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Dr. Zev Ballen
dr. zev ballen
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Monday, April 3, 2017
Do you ever yearn for a better relationship with one of your kids but you just don’t know how to break out of the pattern of tension and conflict that’s developed between you? The longer a negative relationship pattern between you and your child continues, the more doubtful you both become that anything could change it. After a while your child may feel that he or she can almost predict the way you’re going to respond to them. You too may feel that you actually know how your child is going to react even before they do. At those times when your theory about your child was “correct” you may say to yourself, “I knew it…I knew he would do it again…how could he forget to take the garbage out -- again?! That kid will never listen!!””
Every time that your child disappoints you, he also grows more certain that no matter what he does, it will disappoint you. He learns to look for your disappointed reaction to everything he does. You in-turn may be (unconsciously) looking for selfishness or rebelliousness in whatever your child is doing. Then what happens is that your beliefs about them and their beliefs about you become so rigidified and entrenched, that your relationship breaks down. This has been called a “crazy eight pattern” – since you both feel that you’re trapped in a vicious circle with each other that will never end...Continue here...