Tuesday, April 25, 2017

How to Change Your Emotional State in One Second

Learn how, in literally one second, you can get relief from any troubling emotion.



With Blessings,
Dr. Zev Ballen







































































































dr. zev ballen

Monday, April 3, 2017

Ending the Crazy Eight Parenting Cycle


Do you ever yearn for a better relationship with one of your kids but you just don’t know how to break out of the pattern of tension and conflict that’s developed between you? The longer a negative relationship pattern between you and your child continues, the more doubtful you both become that anything could change it. After a while your child may feel that he or she can almost predict the way you’re going to respond to them. You too may feel that you actually know how your child is going to react even before they do. At those times when your theory about your child was “correct” you may say to yourself, “I knew it…I knew he would do it again…how could he forget to take the garbage out -- again?! That kid will never listen!!””

Every time that your child disappoints you, he also grows more certain that no matter what he does, it will disappoint you. He learns to look for your disappointed reaction to everything he does. You in-turn may be (unconsciously) looking for selfishness or rebelliousness in whatever your child is doing. Then what happens is that your beliefs about them and their beliefs about you become so rigidified and entrenched, that your relationship breaks down. This has been called a “crazy eight pattern” – since you both feel that you’re trapped in a vicious circle with each other that will never end...Continue here...

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Shaping Your Real Identity by Making the Right Decisions


We are making decisions literally every second. Learn how to make the right decisions for you, right now. Remember - Better decisions lead to a better life.
 



Have a wonderful Shabbos and a vibrant, happy and kosher Passover,
Dr. Zev

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

How to Create the Magnificent Life You Deserve NOW


You don't need to wait for any set of reasons to be exuberantly happy, unstoppably confident, or phenomenally successful - you can just DECIDE exactly what you want to feel and start feeling it this second - for no reason other than you are alive...




Have a wonderful day!
Dr. Zev Ballen

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Top Strategies to Take Control of Your Life - NOW

There is one main thing that people are looking for - we need to know what that is and how we can get it TODAY?
 



Blessings for a great new week!
Dr. Zev Ballen




















































































































dr. zev ballen

Monday, March 13, 2017

Action Signals for Relief from Troubling Emotions

Beautiful friends - these guidelines are to be used with my last speech on switching out of troubling emotions instantly. By recognizing the "negative" emotion; determining if your perception is correct or not and then using the appropriate action signal you will have, G-d willing, immediate relief. Without the lecture, the list won't make much sense. Anyway, here it is:


Action Triggers for 10 Emotions

Switch out of negative emotions in one second (change state)

1.      Identify State
2.      Appreciate the Message; what’s the message?
3.      Perception change?
4.      Take appropriate action with the new information

Ten Categories of Emotion and what they signal

1.  Discomfort – Signal from Hashem to just change state to any pleasant resource state
2. Fear – Signal from Hashem to get prepared and have Faith
3. Hurt – Signal from Hashem to counteract loss or perceived loss with connectedness
4. Anger – Signal from Hashem that One or more of your “rules” were violated
5. Frustration – Signal from Hashem you need a more flexible approach
6. Dissappointment – Signal from Hashem to Change your expectations / time-frame
7. Guilt / Regret – Signal from Hashem you violated one of your own standards / become a better person
8. Inadequacy – Signal from Hashem to become better at something
9. Overwhelmed/Hopeless/Depressed – Signal from Hashem to write down a necessity list and desire list. Put desires aside and rank order necessities. Then do something right away on the first necessity on your list
10. Loneliness – Get connected / people / good memories / cause / your good points / Hashem / Torah

How to keep the good state

1.      Think less
2.      Emotions bigger than thoughts
3.      Present focus
4.      Remind yourself of the good
5.      Move your body (motion equals emotion)
6.      Don’t delay action
7.      Judge yourself favorably

Why negative emotions are good

1.      Can improve and grow
2.      Come closer to Hashem
3.      There is no standing still
4.      Can use to feel better right away
5.      Can use to learn to communicate better
6.      Commit to progress not perfection



Productive Pain

One of my favorite memories was leaving home at 16. I wasn’t happy for a long time before that -- but the second my father threw a punch and told me to “get out” my mind was made up. The moment that I saw his fist go through our wall, I knew I was leaving. He was a good father in so many ways and I’m grateful to him for more things that I can list here—but what I am most grateful for, and what I review, now, almost every morning when I wake up, is how he taught me to not be like him and how he taught me that I could never get what I needed from him. I didn’t always know G-d’s light was hidden in pain. I didn’t always know that trauma wasn’t just happening to me but that it was happening for me—but, thank G-d, I know it now.

The whole course of my life changed with that decision because in its wake I’ve been forced to make a lot more good decisions that have built me into the man who I am proud to be today.  I was forced to decide that I will never hit my kids—no matter what, and that I was not going to put my family through what I had to go through. It took time for me to conquer my own rage and wish to lash out, but the necessity to do that brought G-d into my life. I was forced to live a spiritual life and to forsake material comforts. I was forced to live in Israel. Only my pain was strong enough to move me to what I had to do with my life.

Blessings for a wonder Shushan Purim!
Dr. Zev